im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
