Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
