I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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