Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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