she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
