Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He better not be in your backpack
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
