Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
