I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
