I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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