Swine flu. Run for my life!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
