So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
