it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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