The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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