I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
