It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
