Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
