he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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