I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
