I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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