you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
