remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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