Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
