all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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