you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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