So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
