It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
