i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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