Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
