Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MIDGETS
????
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
