if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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