i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
