Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
