Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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