Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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