I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
