I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
