a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
