News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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