Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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