I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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