Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
