omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
