I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
