meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
