I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
