She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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