Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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