He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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