it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Two words: blizzard sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
