i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
