I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
