I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
