Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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