When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
