Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
