guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize