come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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