before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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