There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
