You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
