oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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