are you so shy because you have an std?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
