I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
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I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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