her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
