I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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