I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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