So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
