I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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