I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
