did you get engaged???
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
