I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
