Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
