i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
