I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
