i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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