So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
