she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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