He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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